Creating a Legendary Coat

There will always be coats, so why not?

In 1996, my mom said leave. And so I left and I rented a downstairs apartment from an elderly man named Roland Ashton. He had lots of his stuff in the apartment and he rented it to me, fully furnished and wallpapered. The closets were all full of his stuff, the kitchen had all his extra forks and spoons. He also had a room full of miscellany, things like encyclopedias and floppy diskettes of poker games and travel magazines.

So the place was already packed when I moved in. But I only had a hammock and a backpack and that flower lamp I’ve mentioned occassionally, so it worked out great. The wallpaper was pinstriped green!

I only lived there for eight months. And I hate to admit this, but I actually stole a few things from the apartment before I left. I took a whole lot of his record collection. Yep, I did. And I took a little, old brown suitcase with fabric lining. I put the records in the suitcase. And I just couldn’t resist this big, green coat he had in the front closet.

You’ll know the coat if you see it. The label of the coat is signed in black: R. S. Ashton 12/26/68. I stole a Christmas present!

My stomach really gives me problems (digestive problems) when I do underhanded things like that, so I waited until I’d moved out of town again to wear the coat. And when I did wear it, to go get some hamburgers, I found something in the inside left breast pocket. I found a little notebook that had pages and pages of stories and inventions and, well, just bizarre stuff. I don’t know who wrote it! I presume Mr. Ashton did, but I just can’t be sure. Who knows, maybe it was stolen, too.

And, well, most of the ideas that I use on this site and in my life, well, they come straight from that book. The freelance professor stuff and Greenland and everything.

So, this is all just to say:

1. Sign and date your coat on the label.
2. Keep your coat in a closet, where it can be stolen.
3. And, of course, store a wealth of eccentric notes in the inner pockets.

If you have a coat, make it a great coat! Make it an Ashton coat.